Friday, December 10, 2010

Crying Day, and Hot 100 Update

Since I went on antidepressants over four years ago, I don't have very many crying days. I used to cry all the time and be a wreck, but the meds make it difficult. Well, the doc is wanting me to go off the meds, so I have been scaling back for the last month so far. Anyway, I was talking to my BFF on the phone and the tears just started pouring down my face. Here's what happened.

I was talking to my mom about how when I went back to visit family that I had not seen in almost three years, that my favorite cousin, to whom I am supposed to be closest, chose to go to a farmer's market with her kids instead of spending the day with me and my kids at our grandma's. Now, I have gone my whole life with this cousin being the favorite grand-daughter, sometimes, my grandmother introducing her to people while I'm standing there as HER grand-daughter, and "Oh, this is Mandy." I usually just pass it off with humor and say, "Also your grand-daughter, your FIRST grand-daughter." Anywhining, I was just mentioning it to my mom and she started blaming me for my cousin not showing up, that I wasn't sure what day I was coming, if I was coming at all, blah blah blah. I reminded my mother that I was always going, it was just a question of which day, and if I was going to be able to get my niece or not. Then my mother said, "You are just like your father, complaining to me about MY family and I can't do anything about it." I said, "Please do NOT compare me to my father. I am not complaining to you, I am just telling you how I am hurt and was hoping for a little bit of validation." She says, "Email your cousin. She probably doesn't even realize she upset you. Just tell her you have to get it off of your chest." So I said, " Maybe I will, but it will be successful in making us both feel lousy." Then she says, "You just have to get over it. You know that they are all like this and it's not going to do any good to point it out to them because they will just say, 'I didn't even realize I did that.' and then just go on thinking you are too sensitive." So I say, "Well that's why I just wanted to talk to you about it, but I won't do that again, because it obviously isn't something we can talk about. I didn't want to be lectured, just feel that my feelings are valid." Then she said, "Okay Rick! Geez! I don't need this!" Oh, my father's name is Rick. I haven't talked to him for almost a year because I am not good enough.

I said, "Stop it, Mother! Anyway, I gave you the phone number you needed I've got to go." So I called my BFF and related the conversation to her. She validated my feelings which made me burst into tears. That's all I wanted was for my mom to say it stinks. I can figure out on my own that it will always be like this, but I didn't want to be lectured. THEN she calls me and asks me if we are doing lunch today! I should have said, "Are you crazy? I have been sitting her blubbering like a fool for 20 minutes and now you want to do lunch like nothing happened?" But I said, "No, I'm not going out until my laundry is done." I showed her!


Well, now that I've made you read all of that, or maybe you just scrolled down to this point...anywazoodle, I am down .2! Which makes me at the exact halfway point in my weight loss. Which makes me at 162. Which means it's time for hubby to get another picture of my backside. Which means that this is going to be a big blog post!


1. I will remember to take my supplements every single night. Success!

2. When I feel I need ibuprofen, I will take 1 instead of 2. - although this was a hard one, I did manage!

3. I will purposefully exercise every day. I did it! WOOT!

4. Try a something new every week. This week I tried purple potatoes. This is a new goal, but I have been doing it anyway and it's fun to try something new.


  1. I know what you mean about talking to your Mom. I've so been there many, many times. I especially hate the comparisons to my father. The worst thing is that I know I've done that to my son too. I've quit but still feel guilty for doing it to him.

    One question... are you losing more weights as you are coming off the meds? I am coming off Lexapro cold turkey right b/c I ran out and didn't have the $ to get it. It's taken me since August to lose 16 lbs and I've lost 4 lbs since Sunday. I'm not having side effects but I'm just curious to know how it's going for you. If you'd like to reply but not here you can email me at :) If not, it's okay. I hope it gets easier for you. The emotional rollercoster isn't fun.

  2. Did you feel any better after your cry though? I hope so. I think it was a long time coming and sometimes we need that catharsis. Your best friend sounds like a gem. you are lucky to have her!

  3. My best friend IS a gem! I don't know what I'd do without mean her! I do feel tons better.