Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Pulling Up My Big Girl Panties!

Today is going to be very difficult. I have a lot to deal with. My friend who passed told me before she told her husband that she was going elsewhere in the country to seek homeopathic treatment. He was furious with me when this happened, even though I had no idea the circumstances. Her hubby's way to punish me for this was to cut me off from any communication with her. He has been in total denial of her illness, thinking that once she got a new liver, she would be fine. He wasn't there when she passed because he didn't believe that she was really going to go, even though she had been in a coma for two weeks. I fear for what he has to deal with in the years to come, and for their sweet little girl. Anyway, visitation is tonight. Dreading it.

I also have two papers and a presentation to do for today. They seem so minor in comparison, but I still have to do my best. I am grateful to have my life and must live it to the best of my ability. When I saw the yummy treats yesterday, and I was "starving, " I remembered that I am not going to take my health for granted. Instead, I ordered fresh veggies and put them on my spinach leaves. I also ordered fresh fruit. I burped and tooted a LOT yesterday. I feel really good in spite of all the music.

I am lower than I have been in over 9 years. After I had Dimples (the middle child), I lost all of my baby weight and was down to 148 lbs, still 19 lbs overweight, but rocking it! Well, I rocked it a little too much and got pregnant with Brown Eyes. He was born sick. We have had many issues with his health since he was born, and I believe that is what caused me to go into my depression of 2005 where I peaked at 205. I have been up and down and up and down since '05, but never above 195, and never below 165, until now! I still have a ways to go, but I am back on the downward track. I am actually ready to post my weight. 162.9 (overweight NOT obese).


  1. Good for you on the weight. You are handling your grief fairly well (ie - not with food). It might be hard not to be angry at the husband but anger isn't going to make him do the right thing. Her suffering may be over, but it sounds like his runs pretty deep. I hope the little girl has a good support system. I know you are on her side :)

  2. Sweet, funny and sad post. Let me address the sad first - because I have been through multiple deaths in my family let me tell you that there doesn't seem to be a normal way to act, however, anger is one of them. I was mad at my husband for dying (if you can believe that). I was mad again when I had to decide to take his mother off life support on my own (he was an only child). The emotions surrounding death are very strange, but you do seem to go through different stages. I have found the best thing to do is just work through the stages. Hope this helps.

    Rooty toot toot made me laugh and the rocking it too much ... very funny. You've been through a lot, kiddo, now and then and you are grabbing those big girl panties - good for you. Just be gentle with yourself too.

    And hooray for you --- overweight --- can't wait to be there. You are so close to rockin' it again. WTG Mandy.

  3. "hugs" i agree with Just Me in that we all react differently! No right way.
    My husband likes to kid me that at times i have the loudest horn :)